


want me to love you in moderation

by cissablack



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-26 18:26:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17751164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissablack/pseuds/cissablack
Summary: Seventeen years old Zelda meets Lilith in the woods of Greendale.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is planned to be a very long story that starts with Zelda meeting Lilith when she's at the Academy and will go through her life till present day. Madam Spellman will be the main relationship though since it goes through Zelda's life more relationships will be added. It's more of a character study then a relationship fic in the long run. It'll be quite explicit in few chapters and Zelda is seventeen here so if that bothers you, you shouldn't read. Title from Florence and the Machine's Moderation. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine.

Zelda first met Lilith when she was seventeen.

She passed the first test yesterday, sat down and waited in that cell till dawn. By the time girls came to open the cells door, blood was running down her lips from biting into them too much and her body was stiff with cold and fear. But she did it, showed the girls that she belongs here. She held herself back from barging into Edward’s office and scream at him for not telling her anything about this harrowing thing. But she also feared what he’d do to other girls, not because she cared for them but if she went to her brother at first challenge she faces, she’d never hear the end of it. She just wished Edward warned her. Harrowing was not a tradition in the Academy she attended in London since she was fourteen and the traditions of Greendale’s Academy of Unseen Arts were foreign to her. 

She thought it was just the cell and it’d be over.

But then few hours ago the girls woke her up and dragged her to the woods. Or she assumed it was a few hours ago, it felt like eternity. She held herself at first, dig her nails into her arms and bit down her tongue and squeezed her eyes shut to not cry. First it was her father’s voice’ then Hilda’s voice, then Edward’s, all softly talking to her. She held on as long as she could until she heard her mother’s voice. My pumpkin. Zelda opened her eyes and let her arms hang by her sides. She didn’t know if it was the cold that made her shake or her mother’s voice. I missed you, said her mother.

It’s not her, it’s not her, Zelda told herself. Her mother died years ago and though she’d give anything to see her face again, she was strong enough to stay put. Then suddenly it started raining and she heard them all, screaming together Zelda! Zelda! Zelda! Zelda! But she didn’t turn. Stood there soaking and shaking under the rain, her tears mixing with the rain. She didn’t even realise when the voice stopped. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and started crying harder. It was Hilda.

Do you think mother died because of me?

And she spoke for the first time that night “No, no Hilda it wasn’t your fault. She was ill.”

Was she ill because of me?, whispered Hilda and Zelda could feel her sister’s voice shaking like it always did before she cried. Zelda could feel her heart break at the girl’s voice. Hilda never voiced it but Zelda could always see the question in her eyes. The way their father somehow looked at Hilda, no matter how much he tried not to. 

Did I kill mother?

And Zelda almost turned, but then she felt a strong wind wash through her and the hand on her shoulder was gone for a second until it was replaced with another one.

“You’ve done well.” whispered a woman. “But it’s time to go or you’ll freeze to death.”

She didn’t dare move. For all she knew, she almost failed the test just now and this was just another trick to make her turn. The woman placed her other hand around Zelda’s waist and tried to pull her but Zelda pulled herself forward. The woman did not pull her hand but loosened her grip. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you. Let’s go now, you’re shaking.”

“No. I won’t fall for your tricks!”

“I’m not playing tricks darling, have you ever heard my voice?”

“No but-”

“Then you know I’m not part of this cruel game. Come on now, let’s get you warm.”

The grip around her waist tightened again and Zelda shivered. Zelda let the woman pull her towards herself and when her back met the woman’s body she let out a sob. The woman’s body was warm and Zelda pressed herself back to the embrace as the woman held Zelda tightly. 

“Let’s go now darling. I will take you to my cottage and we will have tea.”

When the woman let go of her, Zelda sighed in disappointment. She turned around to see the woman’s face and was welcomed with warm brown eyes and a soft smile. She held Zelda’s hand and started walking deeper towards the woods, and Zelda followed like in a trance.

“I’m Lilith by the way. Nice to meet you Zelda.”


	2. The Cottage in the Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta=all mistakes mine etc etc. Enjoy!

Not until they arrived at Lilith’s cottage did Zelda realise what she was doing. She was sure she’s been to these parts of the woods before but she had no memory of this cottage. It seemed to appear out of thin air and when Lilith finally let go of Zelda’s hand to open the door, she realised that she followed this random woman into middle of nowhere with everyone but the girls who harrowed her thinking she was safely in bed. But Zelda was cold, so cold and so tired so when Lilith stood inside and opened the door for her, Zelda went into the warmth willingly. 

“I’ll get you some clothes. Warm yourself by the fire” 

Zelda watched her went into what she assumed to be the bedroom. She looked down at her clothes and realised her nightgown was soaked and water was dripping to the floor from it and her hair. She felt ashamed for making a mess of the woman’s house so she stood still until Lilith came back. The cottage made Zelda feel like she was transported back into one of the coastal towns she visited in England. It wasn’t fancy and over decorated like most witches’ homes and that somehow made Zelda feel more safe. The fire was burning brighter and stronger than any Zelda had seen and she wondered what magic Lilith used to keep it like that. She was overtaken by the blue tones dancing amongst the red and orange of the fire. The flames moved like they had a mind of their own and Zelda felt them calling to her but she was distracted by Lilith’s return.

“Why didn’t you go by the fire?” asked Lilith, carrying a cozy looking sweater and wool pants that looked like men’s clothes.

“I didn’t want to ruin your carpets.” said Zelda, suddenly feeling shy against her nature.

“Oh dear you wouldn’t ruin anything. Here, you can go change inside. I’ll make some tea.” Lilith gave the clothes to Zelda and smiled sweetly. Zelda realised she didn’t get a good look at the woman’s face in the dark woods but now under the warm light of the cottage, she could see sharp lines of the young woman’s face. She looked in her late 20s but her eyes told another story. The light from the fire danced on her dark skin and and the smile on her full lips turned wider. Lilith reached out and softly squeezed Zelda’s shoulder, then ran her hand up and down on her arm and Zelda sighed at the comforting touch. When she looked into the woman’s eyes she realised she was in the presence of someone who was not an ordinary witch and it clicked.

“When you said your name was Lilith-”

“Why don’t you go changed first?” interrupted Lilith and wrapped her arm around Zelda’s waist like she did before and led her to the bedroom.

*

There were no mirrors in the bedroom so she couldn’t check but she was sure she looked ridiculous. The sweater reached her knees and she had to hold the pants’ waist to keep it from falling. Her suspicions were confirmed when she stepped out of the room and saw the look on Lilith’s face. She was holding a tea tray and looked like she was holding herself back from laughing. She put the tray on the coffee table in front of the fireplace and walked up to Zelda who was standing awkwardly by the bedroom door. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t have a lot of clothes and these were the ones that’d keep you warmest.” said Lilith apologetically. Then she murmured in latin and with a simple movement of her hand, the clothes shrinked into Zelda’s size. Zelda looked down in embarrassment for not thinking of doing the spell herself. Lilith walked towards the fireplace to sit down and Zelda followed her. Lilith sat down on the couch closest to the fire and Zelda sat on the armchair across the woman.

“I should’ve thought of using a spell. I guess I’m still a bit shaken from, all that.” said Zelda, and she was surprised by how shy she sounded. It wasn’t like her usual self. Lilith only smiled and offered her tea, which Zelda took happily. The warm liquid, accompanied by roaring fire, finally made her warm and she finally found courage to look at the woman in the eye.

“So you are Lilith?”

“Yes.”

“Lilith as in… the Lilith?”

“Yes.” 

Zelda couldn’t help but chuckled. 

“Is that funny to you?”

“No no, it’s just that, you’re Lilith. I read everything about you. I even…”

“You even?”

“I pray to you.”

“I know.”

“You heard me?”

“Always.”

“But I didn’t pray to you tonight. How did you find me?”

“I heard the noises and felt the spirits. I should’ve intervened earlier but you were doing good at first and I wasn’t sure if you needed my help. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. If it wasn’t for you I’d turn around and be dead.”

“Well we can’t have that now can we? You have so much more potential than those stupid girls who exercise power in only way they can. I say you stay here and let them think they won. And when you return tomorrow, enjoy the look on their faces when they realise you are not dead. Then they’ll learn to fear you.”

“You don’t mind me staying?”

“No of course not. I brought you here didn’t I?”

"Yes. Yes you did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment pretty please with a cherry on top?


	3. Of Fairies and Songs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get used to such quick chapter updates because I don't know where this fast writing is coming from and I'm sure it'll go away soon. Again. no beta=all mistakes are mine. Let me know if there are any interactions you'd like to see from these two because though I planned the whole thing, I have a lot of empty spaces in between to fill and I'm just writing this for fun.

Zelda woke up alone on Lilith’s bed. She stretched her arms up and sighed happily. She slept better than she had in years. She remembered sitting on the couch and Lilith softly murmuring spells to soothe Zelda’s aching body. She had her head on the woman’s lap like she had known her for years. Lilith’s one hand stroked Zelda’s hair gently, while her other hand caressed her back in circular motions. Zelda shivered as she remembered the magic transferring from the woman’s fingers to her body. Next thing she knew, she woke up. She couldn’t help but smile at Lilith, Mother of Demons, the first witch everyone feared, carried her to bed. 

When she was little, Zelda would play with fairies in the forest. Little creatures would sparkle between the trees and call Zelda’s name. She’d spend hours chasing them, letting them show her the secret of the forest, climb trees to visit their homes and listen to their tales as they made braids of her long auburn hair. She learnt their language and thought them hers. She dreamed of writing their stories one day, leading other witches and warlocks into a knowledge they were yet to grasp. She would be the first witch to become friends of fairies. And when the times comes, she’d walk to the mountains with them and live there forever. 

One afternoon she walked to the forest and set to climbing a tree to visit her friends. When she reached the top, she couldn’t see them anywhere. She whispered their names, sang their songs but no one came. She waited, holding onto the branches and looked down. Her friends always helped her get down and she was too scared it try it herself. Darkness came and owls howled at the witching hour. Zelda tightly hugged the trunk of the tree and whispered and sang and whispered again. Her friends did not come. She got down by herself, scratching her arms and tearing her dress and walked home in the dark. It was her first encounter with the darkness of forest and its creatures whose eyes followed her all the way home. She thought their presence would scare her but instead all she wanted to do was ask them where her friends had gone and maybe if they want, she’d be their friend too. 

When she went home, her parents greeted her in panic and screams. She was grounded for a week, magical bounds stabbed her skin whenever she dared to step outside the house. When she returned to the forest a week later to find her friends and apologise to them for her absence, she was greeted by no one. She only saw fairies in her dreams since then.

But now she met Lilith. She’d learn her language, whisper her name and sing her songs. If Lilith allowed. After all, Zelda has always been drawn to the creatures of the dark, hiding in the woods and coming to life with the howls of owls at the witching hour. 

*

Zelda walked into the living room and found it empty. She walked around the house to find Lilith but she wasn’t home. Zelda walked around the small cottage, one bedroom, a kitchen, living room and a little storage that was filled with dust. She wondered why Lilith was staying at a place like this when she could have any place she wanted. It was secluded, surrounded by trees, yet still close to the Academy and homes of many high places witches and warlocks. She couldn’t be living in Greendale of all places for no reason. She remembered the tales of Lilith, and though every tale said something different and paintings of Lilith’s face were always different, Zelda was sure that she did not look like a black woman in her twenties. A chill ran down her spine when she realised she was walking around and touching belonging of the woman Lilith killed. Stains on the walls from once there photo frames made her shiver. Suddenly the door opened and Zelda jumped at the noise.

“Don’t be scared, it’s only me.” said Lilith, holding a woven basket filled with fruit. “I went out to eat, then remembered you must eat as well and well, I don’t have food at home.” She smiled sweetly at Zelda and carried the basket to the kitchen. Zelda followed the woman and cursed herself for smiling back. She knew she shouldn’t be so touched by the the woman’s action when she was horrified of her a mere seconds ago. 

“Are you going to kill me?” asked Zelda, looking directly at Lilith.

“Kill you? Why would I kill you?” the older woman truly seemed shocked. Her brown eyes were wide and she took a step towards Zelda tentatively. 

“To use my body.” said Zelda and pointed around. Lilith laughed loudly, and Zelda couldn’t be sure if she should be scared or relaxed. Lilith closed the distance between them, still laughing a little, and raised her hand. Zelda’s pupils dilated and she took a deep breath, watching the woman’s hand get close to her face and she could swear that time slowed down. She was sure Lilith was about to snap her neck and Zelda cursed herself for thinking that she found a different kind of fairy in a demon. But all Lilith did was tuck a strand of auburn curls behind Zelda’s ear. Then her hand travelled to young witches’ face and caressed her cheek. Zelda didn’t even realise she was leaning into the woman’s touch.

“My dear Zelda, I only possess bodies of mortals and never kill witches unless I have to. And I don’t see any reason to kill you.”

“Then what do you want from me?” asked Zelda, her voice so soft, surprising to her ears once again. Lilith drew her hand back and Zelda missed the feeling immediately.

“I want your companionship. It’s lonely in these woods, and I’m bored.” said Lilith, very matter-of-factly. 

“You want to be my friend?” Zelda would damn the excitement in her voice if she wasn’t over the moon. In a town filled with powerful witches and warlocks, Mother of Demons chose her to be her friend. Just like the fairies did.

“Yes. It seems to me that you’re as in need of one as I am, aren’t you darling?” said Lilith, her voice was so sweet that Zelda didn’t even bother to be offended by the truth of her words.

“Yes.” she said, smiling back at the woman and staring at her deep brown eyes. “I’d love to be your friend.”

The woman reached out once again and squeezed her hand, and Zelda squeezed back. As she sat down at the table and ate the fruits Lilith bought for her, she didn’t ask the woman what she had for breakfast, fearing that it’d ruin her appetite. After all, they were friends now, and Zelda had all the time in the world to learn the habits of the demoness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment pretty please with a cherry on top!


	4. At The Altar of Gods

 

Two weeks after their first meeting, Lilith had already become all-consuming for Zelda. She left her last classes in hurry, rushing to the woods with her books in her hand, standing in front of the woman’s cottage to calm her breath before going in. She stayed out long after the Academy’s curfew, sneaking back in before the witching hour, avoiding getting caught by anyone, especially her brother. She woke early on weekends and collected flowers on her way to the cottage, to adorn Lilith’s house with her own little touches. _If you’re going to live here, you might as well make it a home_ , said Zelda to Lilith when asked of flowers. Zelda knew it weren’t the flowers that’d make a home for Lilith, but she could not conjure the flames of hell for the demoness, so flowers would have to do.

Zelda expected Lilith to close the door to her face one day, but she never did. The cottage’s doors were always open to her whenever she wanted. Lilith welcomed her with a hug, a simple hello or a nod of her head, depending on what she was doing. Zelda preferred the hugs, she liked to feel the too warm body of Lilith, liked her hand caressing her back, liked the smell of the older woman close to her. She couldn’t wait to finish her homework and join Lilith in whatever she was doing. Lilith showed her potions she never heard of, spells they’d never teach at the Academy, and she told tales of the past which was Zelda’s favourite. They made a habit of sitting on the couch after Zelda had dinner with whatever was in Lilith’s kitchen, which was never a lot and obviously bought for Zelda. At first Lilith would sit on the couch and Zelda on the armchair, till Zelda became brave enough to sit by Lilith’s side on the couch. LIlith would pour them wine, half a glass for Zelda and a full glass for herself. She’d light up the fire in the glorious way she did that mesmerised Zelda, and tell her any tales (or in Lilith’s case, memories) she liked. Zelda loved every moment of it. Her favourite was the original tale, when Lilith rebelled against the False God and claimed her freedom. Everytime Lilith told the story, the wood in the fireplace burned faster, the demoness’ pupils dilated, her voice got low and dangerous in a way that excited Zelda. One night after she begged Lilith to tell the story again and Lilith complied like she always did, Zelda reached out to the demoness when she finished and held her hand. Her heart was beating in her chest and those few seconds waiting for Lilith to respond felt like ages. But despite her fears, Lilith held the young witch’s hand back and turned to face her. Zelda couldn’t tell if Lilith’s eyes burned with fire or if it was the reflection from the fireplace, but either way, her mouth felt dry and her stomach went into knots. When Lilith reached out her other hand, put a strand of auburn hair behind Zelda’s ear and caressed her cheek, like she did the night they met, Zelda had to hold her back from closing her eyes.

“Aren’t you the sweetest?” said Lilith, and Zelda realised in that moment she wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss the lips that whispered those words to show how sweet she really is. But the woman drew her hand back and the moment was gone. The owls howled the witching hour and Zelda left, unwillingly, promising to come back the next day when Lilith already knew she would. As she standed by the door with her books in hand, Lilith came close and leaned in, making Zelda gasp. The demoness places a kiss on the young witch’s cheek and said her goodbye. Zelda could do nothing but nod.

When cold air hit her on her way to the Academy, Zelda felt like she could finally breathe. It’s not as if she never meddled in romance, there were some witches and warlocks that showed interest in her back in England and she even spent time with some of them, but it never went beyond quick makeouts at dark corners and none of them made Zelda feel like Lilith did. They were quick flames that died as soon as they began, while Lilith was a roaring fire, burning brighter by each second, setting Zelda’s skin aflame. Zelda never wanted that fire to die out, she wanted her mind to be always in haze, her vision blurred by the smoke that rose from the fire. She went to sleep thinking of Lilith and nothing else.

*

Zelda walked into the Church of Night, dressed in a long, dark blue dress that reached her ankles. The touch of silk fabric on her skin made her shiver. The cold air crushed against her the showing skin of her chest. Lilith stood at the altar, dressed in all pure white and smiling at the irony. Zelda felt drawn to her, walked in haze., not looking around at people who were sitting. As she got closer, she saw the crown upon Lilith’s head, made from the flowers Zelda collected for her, with small branches of trees intertwined. Lilith reached her hand out for Zelda to hold and she did. She climbed the few steps to the altar and stood besides the demoness, her back straight and her head help up high in pride. They laces their fingers together and Zelda finally looked at the crowd. She saw her father, Hilda and Edward sitting at the front, but everyone had their head bowed.

“You are to stand by me, Zelda Spellman, worship me and rule besides me.”

She was lying down on the floor of the altar, Lilith above her. The demoness smiled sweetly and leaned down to kiss Zelda. And Zelda opened her mouth in work in prayer, granting access. Lilith’s tongue caressed her lips, her mouth, her neck. The fire spread with no starting point but Zelda’s heart and her skin burnt oh so delightfully. Lilith’s hands raised the skirt of the dress up to Zelda’s hips and caressed her thighs. Her mouth found Zelda’s chest and she threw her head back in ecstasy. The demoness’ tongue traveled from her chest to her neck, bit her pulse point harshly in claim.

“Will you stand by me Zelda?” whispered Lilith and all Zelda could do was moan in worship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that according to science, when you leave a comment, this writer writes faster?


	5. Keep Me Up At Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sorta explicit. Italics in the first part are images from Zelda's dream. Second part is a bit messy but I don't know :/ Title from FATM's "Big God".

Zelda woke up gasping in sweats. She sat in her bed and listened to her loud breathing echo from the walls of her small room. She threw the covers off herself and sighed when cold air hit her skin but it wasn’t enough to put off the fire that her dream lighted. She closed her eyes and saw Lilith, leaning over her body at the altar. She opened her eyes and looked around at her empty room. A part of her wished Lilith would appear, hear her silent prayers and release Zelda like she did in her dream. _Lilith_ , she whispered to the empty room but no one answered. She laid down and stared at the ceiling. Her felt her wetness, the satin fabric of her underwear stuck to her skin.

She closed her eyes again.

She moved her right hand between her legs and touched herself, barely, over her underwear and her body shivered. _Lilith leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, her tongue caressed the young witch’s bottom lip and she bit her there gently_ . She brought her left hand to her face and brushed over her lips with her fingertips. She licked her lips and bit down as her right hand traveled inside her underwear. Zelda moaned when she felt how wet she was. She couldn’t remember ever being this turned on. Her left hand moved to her neck, _Lilith left open mouthed kisses all over her neck_ , and it wasn’t as good as Lilith’s kisses but nothing would be. She sucked her own fingers to wet them like Lilith’s tongue and brought her hand back to her neck while drawing circles on her clit with her right hand. She could already feel herself close to coming and slowed down her movements, she wanted this to last as long as she could. _Lilith’s mouth traveled down to her chest, leaving wet trails and dark pink lipstick on her way_ . Zelda pushed down her nightgown’s straps hurriedly and pinched her nipples, threw her head back with a moan. She hoped nobody would be passing by her room at this hour as her right hand moved faster and she got drowned in the images of Lilith’s tongue circling her nipple. Her efforts at slowing down were now completely forgotten. Her hips rose from the bed with her movements and her moans echoed in the small room. Her legs tensed, toes curled and as she came she moaned loudly like a prayer, _Lilith Lilith Lilith Lilith_ …

A shadow moved behind her closed eyes as she waited for her breathing to turn normal, but at the ecstasy of the moment she paid it no attention.

*

“Zelds, look, I know this place is different than the Academy in England and it might be hard to adjust, but you need to show some effort.”

She had been sitting in Edward’s office for twenty minutes now. First he was just asking her usual questions, making jokes and talking about some boring bureaucracy issue at the council. But then he shifted the conversation, tried to get Zelda to talk about adjusting to the Academy. It was sweet of him to try really but she had known Edward all his life and he was never a good liar, and he certainly wasn’t as subtle as he thought. But unfortunately he could see right through her as well. It was obvious from his face that he knew something wasn’t right and his worry was sweet, if only Zelda could tell him everything.

“I am showing effort. All my professors say I’m well ahead of anyone in class. I shouldn’t be taking half of these classes!”

Zelda couldn’t remember the last time she lied to Edward. She had told him the truth as long as she could remember, even when she did something wrong, even when she broke something precious in the house, she knew Edward would always look after her no matter what. She remembered standing by her mother’s bed a week before her death and listening to her weak voice, “When you were born, he never left your side. You held his finger with your little hand and he said _I will love you forever. I will protect you forever._ He loved you more than anyone, and you said _Eds_ , before you said my name or your father’s.”. Zelda felt guilty, like she betrayed their mother.

“If you want I can talk to the Headmaster and get you moved to upper classes but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Then what are you talking about Edward? If I remember correctly you told me to get good grades and not do anything to bring shame to Spellman name, which to you means nothing to risk your career. I’m doing just that.”

She knew she wasn’t being fair to him and it broke her heart to see his face face hurt. He felt guilty, she could tell. All she wanted to do that moment was to hug him and tell him he did nothing wrong, it wasn’t his fault and tell him everything. But she knew she couldn’t betray Lilith’s trust.

“Satan Zelds, despite what you might think I’m not some selfish career driven monster. I want you to enjoy your time here.”

“I’m enjoying myself so you needn’t worry.”

She turned to leave her brother’s office and walked to the door but was stopped by Edward’s next question.

“Where do you sneak out to everyday?”

She turned to him and tried to act surprised. She had been so careful but she forgot Edward knew this place better than she did and he would be watching her whether she knew it or now.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m not an idiot Zelda. I know you leave after your classes, lie to everyone saying you’ll have dinner in your own room and sneaking back in by witching hour, sometimes even later. Where do you go?”

“Nowhere. I just don’t like studying at the Academy.”

“Where do you study at then?”

“Just around.”

“Zelds… If it’s about a boy-”

“Ugh don’t be absurd!”

Zelda wanted to laugh. A boy? If only he knew she was sneaking out to see the right hand of the Dark Lord that Edward so desperately tried to impress. She imagined he’d be jealous, no matter how much he loved her. She remembered him sitting at the church as she stood at the altar with Lilith in her dream. Would he want to stand there instead of Zelda, right by the Mother of Demons? If she became Lilith’s lover, would she be closer to Satan than Edward? She felt herself blush and looked away.

“Then tell me the truth. I won’t stop you though I’d rather have you have friends here at the Academy.”

“I don’t want to be friends with anyone here. They either want to call me names or try to be my friend to ask for your exam questions.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. Not that she tried hard to be friends with anyone but she wasn’t stupid enough to think any of them had any real interest in her. Some of her classmates were jealous of her talent and others only wanted to benefit from it. It was all about ruthless competition here and though Zelda enjoyed a little competition with her peers back in England, it was never serious. They were all about learning together, they didn’t keep secrets and shared everything, just like what Zelda imagined in her childhood. If it wasn’t for Lilith, she would beg Edward to convince their father to send her back.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

She took a deep breath. If she didn’t give him an answer he believed in, he’d keep watching her. So she chose an answer that she knew would break his heart, but convince him.

“I visit mother’s grave. It’s peaceful there and I like studying by her side. Plus there are lot of dead animals around there I can try my spells on.”

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. She could see the wheels in his brain turning, thinking of best thing to say. He looked at her, there was understanding in his eyes, like he’d been where she was now, or pretending to be. He tried to smile but it didn’t work. He still hadn’t learnt how to react to these things and for that she pitied Hilda. Alone in that house with father and Edward, both not knowing what to with this little girl who had too many questions and feelings about their mother than they could handle. And now she was angry with herself for making Edward sad.

“I- Zelds, I’m sorry. I know you miss her and if you need to talk-”

“I will come to you.”

She walked to him and gave him a hug which took him by surprise. She probably hadn’t hugged him since she returned. But he returned it quickly, pulled Zelda in and caressed her hair. She laid her head on his chest and took deep breaths, then looked up at him. They smiled at each other and he kissed her on the forehead, like he always did.

“Why don’t we go home tonight for the weekend? Father is upset that you haven’t visited home since you started the Academy and Hilda misses you.”

“Okay. But promise not to tell them anything.”

“I promise sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment?


End file.
